Sometimes I want people to approve of me so much that I’m willing to put people pleasing before God pleasing. Putting what I want for myself and from others before God is selfishness. Of course, my greatest fear is disapproval or abandonment, the root of all fears. But when I connect to my identity as a child of God, I am no longer separate, alone, or abandoned. Why would I ever choose any other self? But I do, all the time, by behaving like my own little god. Thus, my struggle: wanting people to approve of me versus humbling myself to Him.

Biblically, to approve means to test, prove true, and find acceptable after trial. Paul endured many tests and trials while proving his true identity. And his letters teach us the way.

Seeking people to approve of us

 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 NIV

In my first marriage, I the atheist tried to be a perfect wife and worked hard to earn that distinction. Pride in my efforts hid imperfections, mostly from me. My first husband nailed one my faults by saying, “You are not a good hostess.” His words angered me, not only because they seemed ungrateful but also because they were true: I often avoided my guests by busying myself in the kitchen because I was afraid others would not approve of me. Thus, hosting was about me and pride. 

Parker Palmer writes in The Active Life, “Much human action is laced with the problem of pride… Prideful action is often followed by a fall. But we make a mistake when we try to avoid that fall…” My struggle to earn approval from others ended with marital failure and that unavoidable fall—one of the best things that ever happened to me. Because turning away from my selfish want for people to approve of me set me on the path toward pleasing Him.

We cannot serve Christ if human approval is our ultimate goal, Paul notes. So, we should always ask: whose approval are we trying to win, people’s or God’s? We cannot live both ways; we cannot serve more than one master.

Seeking God to approve of us

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 NIV

It took me a long time to realize the only One I need to approve of me is God. Easier said than done, I quickly discovered. We can only do our best.

As Paul wrote to young Timothy: “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,” and teach God’s truth without being ashamed before Him. There were many false teachings in Paul and Timothy’s time, as there are today. Therefore, our attention must always be on pleasing God, by honestly, correctly, and accurately applying His Word of truth.

So, with the Word in hand, how do we proceed?

Approve what is excellent

so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, Philippians 1:10 ESV

In Wisdom Builds Her House, I tell the story about how Keith and I met. Suffice it to say that there was no way that our meeting would have happened without God’s hand guiding both of us. As it has been ever since. Not that we haven’t had missteps. Perfection is not possible, but spiritual growth is. That is, growing in God’s love, which leads to better choices.

“approve what is excellent” means having the discernment to test choices, to ask what would please God most. To be “pure” internally and “blameless” in external actions. For the day judgment will come when Christ returns.

Paul writes in Romans 14:18, “because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.” The difference here is that we start not with human approval but with what is approved by God: faithful obedience, integrity, devotion to Him not ourselves; serving Christ in love and peace. According to scripture, these qualities in action both please God and earn respect from other people. 

So, I have come full circle: from wanting people to approve of me, to seeking God’s approval, discerning (approving) what is excellent, and serving Christ accordingly. If people approve of me under these circumstances, I am on the right path.

Linkup with Five Minute Friday

Subscribe to Notes from Vanaprastha Podcasts on my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@CaroleDuff

Subscribe to Notes from Vanaprastha: https://caroleduff.com

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carole.duff2010/

Subscribe to my Friday Happy Hours Substack: https://substack.com/@caroleduff305076