Keith and I enjoyed a lovely, quiet Christmas celebration this year because we focused on protecting peace. We’d learned from the successful visit to family for Grandparents Day to take our time, maintain our own space, ask family for help, define family time so we could enjoy it, and celebrate. Protecting peace is like a lesson cycle, which requires planning, implementation, and evaluation.

Protecting peace by planning in advance

Since my daughter and our granddaughter were the only family members coming for Christmas, Keith and I looked at our schedules and came up with a plan for their visit. We invited them for Sunday’s 9:30 church service and for the 4 o’clock Christmas Eve Candlelight service, after which we’d go to dinner then home to rest. For Christmas morning, we offered to host a brunch buffet after which we’d open presents; that afternoon and evening, on our own.

They attended the Christmas Eve service, accompanied us out to dinner, and accepted our invitation to brunch and presents. We thought it was a good plan. But, because life isn’t perfect, implementation included some peace-disruptions.

Protecting peace during implementation

During the Christmas Eve service, the arthritis in my hands flared. I struggled with fingerings on my flute; some notes didn’t sound clear and true. Keith often massages my hands and fingers, especially when this happens, but he had Elder duty. At the end of the service, I tearfully told him what was happening and asked him not to say anything. I was not going to let my discomfort spoil our Christmas. 

We enjoyed our Christmas Eve meal at the restaurant. But when checking my phone messages after we got home, I discovered a neighborhood issue had come to a head. Although the immediate crisis had been resolved, the problem remained. I won’t go into details, to protect the privacy of my neighbors, except to say that something had to done and soon.

Keith and I prepared the Christmas Day buffet—me with anti-inflammatory medication on board—welcomed our guests, and shared the fun of opening presents. After my daughter and our granddaughter left, I prayed for guidance then focused on the neighborhood issue. With clear and firm communication, the immediate problem was resolved by the next morning.

The recipe for handling peace-disruptions: Boundaries, not walls and the serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Accept the beyond control, have courage to take action, ask for divine guidance to discern between the two. Live in the present.

Protecting peace by evaluating in the present

Here are changes we’ll make to improve our recipe for successful holiday visits. 

First, instead of accepting arthritis, I’m going to fight it with courage. Lifestyle changes, therapies, helpers. Keith gave me a beautiful, handmade Irish flute for Christmas; playing it is one of my 2026 goals.

Second, Keith and I will continue to monitor the situation in our neighborhood and step in again when safety becomes an issue. The serenity prayer challenge? How to both honor and care for our elderly.

A third take-away has to do with the tension all families experience: what past to hold onto and what to let go. My past is different from my children’s present. As an adult visiting my parents, I went home to the house I grew up in. My children visit me not in their childhood home but in the house Keith and I built for ourselves. One of us is their parent; the other is their parent’s spouse. And parents and children are all adults with lives of our own. Big and little griefs, past and present, big and little joys, our conversation during the day-after-Christmas, Friday Happy Hour.

The past is not the present, and the present is not the future. Planning ahead and asking for what we want in the present helps as we sit in the tension of change. Most important of all, protecting peace only happens with the greatest helper of all: the Prince of Peace.

And so, I pray, “Throughout the holiday, Lord—indeed, in every moment of every day—may we focus not so much on our little griefs but on our joys and on little acts of kindness. In Jesus’ precious name, we pray. Amen.”

Notes from Vanaprastha Podcasts on my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@CaroleDuff