I discovered this week that it’s extra important to be polite when I really, really want something to happen and it’s not happening as planned. In other words, polite when I’m being tested: my will or God’s?
For the past few years, I’ve been dealing with arthritis in my fingers. Injections help temporarily, massages, and anti-inflammatories, too. But since Christmas, arthritis has progressively impeded my ability to play flute. I consulted a hand doctor, therapists, and a professional flutist before changing my thinking about this problem. Instead of focusing on strategies to fix my hands to be able to play the flute, I investigated adjustments to my flute that could accommodate my hands.
Polite asking
Proverbs 18:23 (ERV): “The poor are polite when they beg for help. The rich are rude with their answer.”
On Tuesday evening, I contacted a Seattle flute technician who specializes in flute ergonomics, attachments to a flute to accommodate the player. He said he would ship me a box filled with gadgets and told me to try them out and return what I didn’t want. “Oh, thank you so much,” I said. They billed me for shipping the box to my address—I’d politely asked for next-day delivery so I had time to practice before playing Sunday’s church service—and would bill me for whatever I didn’t send back. Here’s the order and delivery confirmation. Thursday. Perfect
I’m not rich, but I’m not poor either. So, being polite when begging—or pleading for mercy—and being polite when answering are equally important. This verse in Proverbs is essentially about humility and empathy. Like a polite prayer to God, “Lord, I know you’re busy with much more important requests, but could you expedite my order?”
Polite complaints
Luke 6:46 (MSG): “Why are you so polite with me, always saying ‘Yes, sir,’ and ‘That’s right, sir,’ but never doing a thing I tell you?”
Technical difficulties with the scheduled airplane delayed my package delivery to Friday. Not next day, but well, okay, an understandable delay. But then I received this notification: Monday. Not next day but almost a week, and not in time to prepare for Sunday, let alone play the service. I didn’t think UPS was being hypocritical, as in the exchange Jesus had with those calling him “Lord” while disobeying his teachings. But I did think something had to be said—an effective, polite complaint that might change the current outcome.
Years ago, I read Amy Fish’s The Art of Complaining Effectively, a little purple book I’d picked up at HippoCamp. Fish, an ombudsman by profession and humorist by nature, walks the reader through the Five C’s of effective complaining: Calm, Concise, Concede, Compromise, and Copies. I contacted USP online and requested a live agent. I stayed calm and concisely stated the problem. Conceding that a malfunctioning plane had caused the initial delay, I noted I had already compromised: two-day instead of next day delivery. And both of us had digital copies as evidence.
“Your package is in Charlottesville,” the online live agent typed.
I responded. “I have an appointment in Charlottesville this morning and can pick up my package afterwards.” The agent said they would alert the Charlottesville UPS facility managers and have them call me.
Polite answering
Colossians 4:6 (NIV): “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
And indeed, Tim, one of the UPS Charlottesville managers, did call me and left a message. He politely stated that they don’t usually deliver to my county on Friday—thus the delay until Monday—but would make an exception.
That afternoon, the UPS driver scaled our driveway and handed the package to me.
“Thank you,” I said, clutching the package to my chest. “What’s in this box will help me play in church on Sunday.” I pointed to the Flute Works return address. “I know you all went out of your way to deliver this to me. May I shake your hand?” He smiled and nodded. “And please tell Tim and all the staff in Charlottesville how grateful I am for your assistance.”
Colossians 4:6 instructs us to let our conversations be full of grace, seasoned with salt, and the knowledge of others’ perspectives. Polite, respectful, considerate.
I don’t always pass the polite kindness test, but last week, the people at UPS and I answered well.
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Carole, this looks like one of those times when a “problem” opened the door for the Lord to teach you (and your readers!) a good lesson. Thanks for sharing!
P. S. I have had hand trouble, too, and while I don’t play the flute, I do play guitar, which has become harder and harder. I found a couple of years ago that avoiding gluten helps me hugely. I found that out when I was handed a big chunk of bread at a communion service, which I ate (It was Communion, I couldn’t throw it away!) and the next day felt as if all my fingers had been broken! After that my sweet pastor put out gluten-free crackers for Communion. <3
I love the way you and the flute company were able to work around the problem. I had a summer where my husband and I did something similar.
https://seekingdivineperspective.com/2020/03/06/the-summer-of-the-harp-boundaries-part-2/
Dear Annie – Thank you SO much for your comment and for pointing me in the direction of your “hand” story. Amazing grace! God is so good at closing doors to show us the open doors, where we’re supposed to me – and providing helpers. -C.D.
Carole, I appreciate the reminder/lesson. Irritation can too easily get the upper hand for me in these circumstances.
And all too often with me and us all. God bless.