Five people, four generations, two in the first half of life, three in the second half. The last picture I have of my mother, with me, my daughter, granddaughter, and elder sister. Christmas 2019. Six weeks later, Mother passed away at the age of 96.

…for dust you are and to dust you will return. Genesis 3:19b NIV

So, states scripture. But “…we inhabit a world that is dead set on living in a false story of aging—one that values, at most, only the first half of life but does not value its second half…” writes Jen Wilkin in Dust to Dust: Aging Wisely in an Anti-Aging World. To tell the true story of aging, Wilkin presents a model for life as a chiasm, a literary or rhetorical device where concepts or words are repeated in reverse order: A, B, C, D, E, D, C, B, A, in Wilkin’s chiasm.

Here is her model for the Chiasm of Life:

A. Birth: After labor, a first inhale

B. First Years: Completely dependent on the care of others

C. Adolescence: Increasing independence

D. Early Adulthood: Caregiving (children)

E. Midlife: The place of perspective

D. Late Midlife: Caregiving (parents)

C. Senior Adulthood: Decreasing independence

B. Final Years: Completely dependent on the care of others

A. Death: After labor, a final exhale

Visually, a chiasm looks like the Greek letter Chi, an X, and the midpoint, in this case between life’s first and second half, contains the main message. Wilkin: “As we step our way from the edges of life’s chiasm to the center, we’ll find that the relationship between the first half and the second half is not identical parallelism but same-but-different…” In the photograph, my granddaughter is in her first years, and my adult daughter is caregiving her. My sister and I are caregiving our mother who is in her final days. Five people, four stages of the chiasm.

First and Second Half birth-death and dependence 

“The bodily decline of the second half of life chips away incrementally at a significant element of the world’s false story about aging: the myth that weakness is outgrown in adulthood, never to be returned to.” Jen Wilkin in Dust to Dust: Aging Wisely in an Anti-Aging World.

The juxtaposition of death and birth happen all the time. For instance, my granddaughter was born less than three years before my mother died. While my granddaughter grew out of complete dependence on others—she’d learned to walk and talk and feed herself—my mother slowly grew into dependence. Weakness returned. Same-but-different. That’s the reality of aging.

And so, Lord, Teach us to number our days… Psalm 90:12a NIV.

First and Second Half increases and decreases

“As a young mom, I hung on [my mother’s] every word about parenting. I think I naively thought I wouldn’t need her help once I got past the first half of life, but her wisdom has only deepened and grown more precious to me with the passage of time.” Jen Wilkin in Dust to Dust: Aging Wisely in an Anti-Aging World.

As my children entered adolescence, I increased their opportunities to become independent. They learned to drive, got jobs, and did chores around the house like adults. By the time they went to college, I felt confident that they could take care of themselves. And who was on the other end of the phone when I needed advice during the parentings years? My mother. 

But while my children’s independence increased, my father’s decreased—and my mother’s caregiving entered a second phase. Same-different. My father’s first life-threatening illness happened when he was in his early 50s. Eleven years later, he has a massive right brain stroke, which left him dependent on my mother and other caregivers. My sisters and I visited and helped as often and as much as we could. My children were sixteen and thirteen when their grandfather died, ten years after his stroke. We stood graveside and paid our respects, as we would to my mother twenty-four years later.

Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly… Leviticus 19:32a NIV

First and Second Half caregiving and midlife hinge

“The chiasm of life expressed in terms of physical and mental abilities and responsibilities splits neatly in half at midlife, with all gains in the first half and all parallel losses the second half. But this is not to say that the second half of life is all loss. Quite the opposite.” Jen Wilkin in Dust to Dust: Aging Wisely in an Anti-Aging World.

I was in my forties during my children’s adolescence—sandwiched with my father’s senior adulthood and final years—and entered menopause before they became young adults. Same-different. What can I say about menopause? Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting… Proverbs 31:30a NIV

Wilkin: “Midlife forms the center of our chiasm, age forty to fifty-five…” For me, several first-to-second-half-of-life transitions happened during those hinge years: In my early forties, I gave up atheism after my first marriage failed; in my fifties, I remarried and built a house with my new husband—both literally and figuratively. Soon after we relocated and launched new careers, and I experienced a totally unexpected shift of perspective, a “falling upward” spiritual journey. 

On Friday, Keith and I will celebrate my birthday: seventy-five years to his seventy-nine. Does not long life bring understanding?Job 12:12b NIV Yes, indeed, or as Wilkin states: “Those older than us are not still valuable. They are, rather, increasingly valuable.”Keith and I trust that is so, as the two of us are quite active, especially in our careers as writers and in church. We’re still growing in wisdom and still independent, though we know the latter will change, either gradually or suddenly. Our parents have breathed their last; we will be next.

Senior Adulthood: Decreasing independence. 

Final Years: Completely dependent on the care of others.

Death: After labor, a final exhale.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised. Job 1:21b NIV

Amen.

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