Back in the day when I was called to nurture adolescent girls in my classrooms at Ursuline Academy of Dallas, I used the Paideia approach: didactic instruction, coaching, and Socratic seminars. Popularized by Mortimer Adler in the 1980s, Paideia nurturing of the mind sat well with my upbringing and parenting style. I still find myself approaching my current mission, writing and speaking, in much the same manner.

Nurture from parents

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 ESV

In the springtime of our lives, parents have a great deal of influence over who we become. No doubt about it, they give us both nature and nurture. Although I’ve written about becoming my mother, she always said I was more like my father—hardworking and tenderhearted. Yet, the other night, when Keith and I were talking about the benefits our childhoods—having two parents, getting an education, valuing work—it was my mother’s actions that I cited. 

“She made sure we had access to good schools, music lessons, and a college education,” I said. “And she helped us get our first jobs, coaching us through job-interview simulations and showing us the importance of a firm handshake.” Mother encouraged us to put our best foot forward, to dress well and get decent haircuts.

Keith grinned. “My mother spoke to me about such things, too, and my dad—not that I always listened.” I met his grin. My contrarian husband, but in truth, I hadn’t always listened either.

Though I wasn’t brought up in a faith-based household, my parents had an appreciation of Biblical wisdom, such as the lessons cited in Proverbs.

Nurture children

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Here, the Greek word paideia is used to refer to training, education, and discipline, nurturing that involves a balanced approach to provide a healthy, loving atmosphere and godly correction. Until I became a believer – even afterwards – I had little idea about what that meant, other than my parents’ example. And I was a single parent for many of my children’s formative years. Still, I tried to build character in them, responsibility, and whatever understanding I had about faith. 

Were there times when I provoked my children to anger? Yes. Did I always discipline them appropriately? No. Would they have done better with a father and a Father in the lead? Yes. And that is why I am ever-so-grateful for His Word, His paideia, His nurturing.

Nurture gentleness

But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 1 Thessalonians 2:7 ESV

Now well into retirement, I watch the sunset at Vanaprastha. Action has shifted more towards contemplation. I have time to pursue my curiosities and write. It is a mission that not only nurtures me but also nurtures others when I publish and speak—at least that’s my goal.

I wasn’t always a gentle child; I wasn’t always a gentle teacher or parent; and I’m not always a kind and gentle neighbor. But I can nurture those qualities, especially kindness, practicing Biblical paideia: discipline, education, and instruction.

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