Though I wasn’t going to tolerate my step back from last weekend, I wasn’t entirely sure how to turn it into two steps forward. Until I read Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 4:1-3 (NASV 1995) Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

To tolerate, accept or endure something unpleasant

Our dog Heathcliff, though mostly black lab, barely tolerated getting wet, unlike our dear Freya dog. She loved water and swam like an otter but did not tolerate separation from Keith well. And at the end of her life, we knew her body would not tolerate amputation or other invasive treatments for cancer. So, we let her go.

My unpleasant step back was not something to tolerate but something I wanted to change. Theory is easier than practice. Or, as we say, “Easier said than done.”

To shift from what we tolerate to what we want to change

As I wrote in last week’s post, according to authors of Life Worth Living: A Guide to What Matters Most, we humans inevitably botch things. But what I botched wasn’t just a small, isolated transgression but something more fundamental.

In their chapter titled “Change Is Hard,” the authors told the story about one of their students who, through the course, saw her attachment to external validation and affirmation as less meaningful. “She wanted to live for the intrinsic value of the work she was doing and the people she was doing it with.” But when she received a disappointing grade on a paper in another course, she cried, felt at war with herself, and realized she was still attached to external validation. 

She asked her Yale professors, “When does this change? Why is it like this? I came in ashamed and disappointed whenever I was less than perfect. Now I’m ashamed and disappointed for being so ashamed and disappointed when I know better. Before, I would’ve just been crushed about the paper. Now I’m crushed about being crushed about the paper. It’s a double disappointment…”

As you can see from my college pictures below—setting up my dorm room, talking on the phone with friends when I was home, showing my love of flute-playing—I was not as sophisticated or high achieving as the Yale student. But I was similarly a hard-working perfectionist crushed by imperfection. It would be several decades before I found a workable path to change.

To change ourselves and tolerate others the Biblical way

“Transformation is a process—and for survivors, it’s a process with its ups and downs, flashbacks, and panic attacks. But, as the resurrection confirms, it is the better way; it is God’s way,” as theologians Grace Ji-Sun Kim and Susan Shaw wrote in Richard Rohr’s August 4, 2024 daily meditation. God’s way is the process. The authors of Life Worth Living recommended this: think about your day, notice where you felt God’s presence, and give thanks for what you’re grateful for; recall when you fell short, ask for forgiveness, and reconcile with those you hurt; ask for His grace.  In other words, practice the way of life you’re trying to cultivate.

In this way, we also come to understand ourselves in relationship with others. Pastor Rob Green mapped out how to tolerate one another the Biblical way:

• Value unity more than differences
• Have the humility to remember that all of us were given the same command
• Remember others contribute to our Christian growth 
• Tolerating does not mean we celebrate or validate sin

I do not want to tolerate my sin. So instead, I’m embracing humility, gentleness—rather than screaming—patience when I fall short yet again, the love of God and others as myself, and perseverance until I leave this earth.

As Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 4:7-8, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Linkup with Five Minute Friday: https://fiveminutefriday.com/2024/08/01/fmf-writing-prompt-link-up-tolerate/