Psalm 104:14 You cause the grass to grow for the cattle, and plants for people to use, to bring forth food from the earth…
Not food, Husband barks. Return them to the earth.
But they worked so hard to grow for us. Big on anthropomorphism, Wife pleads their case. Give Green Tomatoes a chance.
OK, put them in a sunny window.
Next day Mediums show tints of red; Smalls begin to shrivel; Larges remain green, green and green, as if protesting the chill, late-season harvest. Resigned Wife returns Smalls to Earth. Calm Wife smiles upon Mediums. Fearful Wife hovers over Larges.
What to do in this crisis? How to Save the Larges? Cowabunga! Fried Green Tomatoes! Shouting like Kathy Bates, Wife slices some Large Tomatoes, fries them up in a pan and serves them to Husband.
Tasteless; no flavor; not like Onion Rings. He growls and scowls.
Stiff-necked Wife persists, searching the Internet. Ah, Green Tomato Parmesan. She adapts the recipe to what’s at hand and bakes remaining Larges.
Tastes like lasagna, Husband declares.
Righteous New England-smug Wife sings to herself. Waste not. Want not.
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